Relationships From An Online Life Coaching Perspective

As an online life coach, many people I speak with are having relationship issues. I would like to share with you what I find to be a common relationship problem. Let me ask you…

• Have you turned a loving relationship into a trading Relationship?
• Do you feel disconnected from someone you love?
• Does your relationship feel different than it used to?
• Do you feel like you’ve tried everything but nothing you do seems to rekindle the connection you once had?

As an Online Life Coach, I hear this more often than not.  Is it possible that you got stuck in a coping skill instead of loving your way out of a hurt?

Let me explain.

Let’s start out by defining the types of relationships we’re talking about, loving and trading.

A loving relationship is built on the foundation of acceptance. There is no real outcome or expectation required. You greet the one you love with mutual respect and when things differ you simply don’t take it personally. You agree to disagree, you respond instead of reacting to your feelings.

A loving relationship is full of friendship, kindness and complete acceptance. There is an inherent trust that is absolutely unshakable.

In this loving relationship you are more concerned with giving freely. You know that whatever you give will be received with an open heart and mind. And you are happy to receive that which is given – it is always enough.

You feel safe.

Sensitive, caring and sacred – you both just flow. It’s easy and fun.

A trading relationship is built on an expected outcome. If I do this for him/her then he/she will do that for me.

A perfect example is when you purchase a product or service from someone. You each have an expectation. You trade your money for what they are selling.

Rarely do our personal relationships ever start out by trading, simply because you aren’t caught up in what you can get. You are happy with the feelings that come from just being a part of this person’s life. And you can’t wait to give more love to them.

Sadly, the tipping point happens when you get hurt by the person you love, or when you’ve acted out and are embarrassed to face your mistakes.

So instead of facing the pain and healing it, you react by stuffing your feelings and identifying a way to “pay” for your pain.

Hence the trade begins.

Does this sound familiar?

Are you stuck in a coping mechanism?

Do you think that by trading this or that you will keep enough distance thsu preventing being hurt again?

Or at least minimize the future/expected pain?

Are you justifying a way to balance it all out – “payment for pain?”

Can you see how it will quickly become a ‘tit for tat’?

Are you in a ‘tit for tat’ relationship with someone you love?

Are you trading goods and services with your spouse, significant other or your children?

Have you lost that deep loving connection because you are afraid you’ll be hurt by them?

Or do you believe that you’ve hurt them so much that you’ll never be forgiven?

How did it happen?

In the beginning, I bet you weren’t even conscious that the relationship had turned the tides and was now being re-defined.

Could it be that instead of feeling the pain and hurt…..you somehow thought it would be easier to move on without facing it?

Did you choose to feel anger instead of feeling the grief that comes from your disappointment?

Can you remember having lots of “what if thoughts?”

Here’s another angle to think about…

Do you think that feelings of anger empower you?

Make you feel stronger?

Sadly if any of these things ring true for you…you could have exchanged a loving relationship for a trading one.

Unfortunately, trading relationships are shallow …they rest on a sandy foundation of temporary conditions.

The problem with being in a trading relationship is that someone is usually attempting to control and or is witholding until something specific comes along, only that something specific isn’t really what they want.

Is this you?

Are you or the both of you subconsciously engineering a trade that somehow makes you feel “good enough” to stay in the relationship? Temporarily?

If the answer is yes- STOP right here – take a deep belly breath – and let it out.

Take a moment to honor your integrity. If these really are your current conditions …your saying yes is a clear indication that you wish to heal those wounds and restore your relationship back to a loving one.

You are now willing to face what you once experienced and are on the path to letting go of the pain that caused your disconnect.

As an Online Life Coach and Hypnotherapist I can help you move forward in rekindling loving connections.

Stop trading today.

Open yourself up to me, Shelly Lynott Your Online Life Coach.

Great Online Life Coaching helping you to master your possibilities.